The Truth About Amy

squishyrainbow:

AND NOW I HAVE TO FUCKING WAIT.

(Source: amylovestv)

yestrday  i didnt work and i was watching Greek and i was admiring thier hairstyles and thought “i should do my hair today.”so i got out my crling iron and went to town.

it came out pretty good so i decided today that i was going to curl my hair again. i had a little more trouble because my hair was freshly washed, but i put some mousse in and it went a lot better.

and after doing my hair im downstairs figuring out what to wear for work tonight. and i had gotten a top from Target over the weekend and tried it on again at home but it just wasnt working so im trying to find something different and i cant.

while i was doing my hair i was watching What Not To Wear and there was this woman on who was 50 years old and she dressed like a 12 year old, and she didnt feel comfortable in these new clothes and she didnt feel herself. and i think thats whats happening now.

is it weird that now that im loosing weight and im starting to feel it, im not happy with how i look in the mirror. and when i try stuff on in a store i like them and when i get them home its not the same.

gah. im so fucking messed up :/

(Source: everythinghasreason)

i think im wearing an invisible neon sign over my head that says “Please use me and abuse me. i will say and/or do nothing to stop you.”

im so fucking depressed. i cant talk to my mom because shesalreadyworried about me and shes mega stressed because of the trip shes going on in two weeks.

i feel like not having any results in weight watchers and im getting really frustrated there. and because im frustrated im eating more and its turning into a snowball.

and work isnt getting any better. i mean i go to work and i work and im nice and pleasant and everything but sometimes i just feel like i want to break down and cry because im just getting taken advantage of there. and im letting it happen. and i cant really stop it now because i know how to do everything, they just dont have to pay me more.

and mom is on my case, like hardcore, about Girl Scouts. i just dont have my heart in it anymore. im not a leader. i like doing all the fun stuff and everything but i dont want to plan the meetings or do the reading or anything. and mom just doesnt see it and she wants me to work on next year…..

and laptop is broken. so ive been without my computer for over a week and its really bad. a lot has been going on and i cant type it all out and make my brain stop.  we have the house computer that my mom uses to play bejewled and check her email. but its really old and slow and every time i get on tumblr the computer crashes.  and ben (my computer guy) says it will be at least another week before i get my new laptop. which i dont think i can do… hes looking into setting me up with a loner laptop till i get my new one which should help.

and theres other stuff thats going on. like i need to go to the dentist which i hate because all he does the whole time is tell me how i need to brush my teeth more often blah blah blah. and i need to get my molars taken out. which im sooo not happy about.

im such a wreck all i want to do is sleep and watch movies. but i cant even do that because i dont have my computer

*insert very aggravated scream here*

Tonights glee really got me thinking. The other night I was thinking about my job, and how I work my ass off to be nice and helpful and willing and I offer Ideas and I work hard and then management just passes me over. There was an opening for a postion that I’ve told my manager I wanted and she gave it to another coworker. And I’m happy for her cause she’s my best friend but at the same time I feel really used and abused.

And I got thinking, work relationships and regular Relationships are a lot alike. And if I’m getting “abused” in my work place by not gettingg a promoion or getting yesed by management and then gettig totally ignored. How would I act in a real relationship?

If I was getting abused in a real relationship I think I would stay. Even though I know better. I’m in the same boat as Coah Beaste, I’m terrified of not finding someone I can spend my life with. So if I do find someone I wouldn’t leave because I don’t want to be alone.

I’m not making any sence.
What I’m trying to say is if I was in an abusive relationship I would stay. Because being alone is awful and I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave.

Does that make me a terrible terrible person?

tonight i watched Valentine’s Day/

its one of my favorite movies

and every time i watch it i always say to myself “okay amy you cant cry. youve seen this movie 16541384 times you cant cry!”

and then everybodys falling in love and bradley cooper and mcsteamy from Greys are like all lovey and then i just loose my shit when julia roberts hugs the kid

I LOOSE MY SHIT EVERY TIME

and then without fail my next words are “you are going to die alone with 97 cats”

and i dont even like cats.

and i know im setting the feminisim movement back like 500 years because i want to fall in love with a weathley person and i stay home and take care of the kids and the house and become a real housewife of insert-town-here (just without the fake boobs and divorce)

and i read on tumblr from one of those “real facts” blogs that the longer youve been single the more you think something is wrong with you

and when i fall in love i want the big gesture

i want someone to come out of the closet on national tv for me

or to sing the elephant love medley to me on a roof top

or steal a blue trumpet for me

or jump and down on a sofa screaming my name because they love me so much

-

-

 but im not going to have that. with my luck ill marry the first person i date. then 2-5 years down the line they cheat, or become abusive, or fall out of love with me.

girlgrowingsmall: 

1. What was the last movie you watched in theaters? daaa hunger games
2. What was the first movie you ever remember watching on theaters? i think it was The Road to Eldorado. i went with my dad.
3. Top 5 movies Love Actually, First Wives Club, Monsters Inc., Little Manhattan, and My Big Fat Greek Wedding
4. Top 5 directors
5. A favorite adapted movie Ten Things I Hate About You
6. Your best experience on going to the movies going to the Drive-in. im lucky enough to live about twenty minutes away from a drive-in and even though ive only been twice, it BLOWS my mind
7. A guilty pleasure anything with ex Disney Stars (Hannah Montanas movie, Monte Carlo, The Lizzie Mcguire Movie)
8. An overrated movie New Year’s Eve. with all the big stars and it being from the creator of Valentines Day i thought it was going to be AMAZING. i wasnt all that impressed.
9. An underrated movie Saved!
10. A movie that not many have heard that you’ve seen 16 To Life
11. A movie you watched mainly for an actor I’m Reed Fish. mostly for Alexis Beldel after Gilmore Girls ended. then i got into Jay Baruchel
12. Top 5 actors Shia LuBauf, Colin Firth, Tom Hanks, Josh Hutcherson, and Steve Martin
13. Top 5 actresses Anne Hathaway, Tina Fay, Melissa McCarthy, Amanda Bynes, and Sandra Bullock
14. VHS, DVD or Blu-Ray? VHS. cause i LOVE LOVE LOVE the previews. i have a VHS of the first wives club and the first preview is an add for revlon makeup, you just cant get that anymore.
15. Favorite Disney movie (not PIXAR!) Mulan or The Prince of Egypt
16. A tearjerker The Notebook. ive only seen it once. and i swear i will never see it again because i cried so much. and i like movies where i cry.
17. A movie that you know its bad but you can’t help but love it Better Off Dead. an 80’s movie that gets over-shaddowed by all the greats
18. Favorite Movie Soundtrack 500 Days of Summer
19. Favorite quote from a movie “I RAN MY VAN INTO JESUS!” from Saved!
20. A movie that was better than the book none that i can think of
21. First adult film you watched (thematically speaking not R-rated) proably American Pie or 40 Year Old Virgin. one of those really stupid raunchy movies
22. A kids movie you always watch Mary Poppins.
23. Favorite Science Fiction movie im not really into sci-fi movies. Men in Black.
24. Favorite Comedy The First Wives Club. the window scene will keep me laughing for days
25. Favorite Fantasy How to Train Your Dragon
26. Favorite Love Story My Big Fat Greek Wedding
27. A movie you hate Napoleon Dynamite. ive never seen it and i dont ever plan on seeing it.
28. Favorite animated movie How to Train Your Dragon
29. A movie from your favorite director you didn’t liked i dont know much about directors.
30. Favorite comic book movie Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (probably the only one ive seen)
31. 3 movies you’re expecting excitedly! i dont know if its true but Monsters Inc. 2
32. A book you read for a movie The Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood (but it turns out to movie was a piece of SHIT)
33. Favorite Musical Hairspray or Grease 2
34. Favorite fictional character i hate questions like this. i can never think of a good one off the top of my head
35. A movie you wished they never made Waiting. its with Ryan Renyolds. TERRIBLE.
36. Favorite remake!

(Source: tarkovskymalick, via amylovestv)

so i work next door to Target. and today i was waaay early for work and i knew that if i sat in the break room i would eat all my food that i packed for  my lunch (i worked 1-9.45 tonight) so i went shopping. i walked though Target, but i didnt get anything. which is like AMAZING.

so i go to work and im working on a project and forget to take my first 15 min. break and i dont realize this until about 15 minutes before i go to lunch. so i take my lunch and decide ill have two 15 min, breaks tonight.

so i get back from lunch and we get MEGA busy, but i dies after a while (right around dinner time. people gotta eat) and mom calls the store. and shes rambling on and on about something and then she asks me to go to Target and get paper plates because she isnt going to buy Styrofoam plates. so i take my first 15 min break and go to Target. and while in check out they have Starburst Jelly Beans on sale and i remember Maria sent me an e-mail that we are having a GS meeting this week and mom wanted to have the girls look for jelly beans.

so i buy jelly beans. then when i get back to work i remember i ddint buy any egg holders. so on my last 15 min break i go BACK to Target (this time with my bestie) and get the damn egg things. and on our way to check out there is a display of 12-pack coke cans on sale for 3 bucks. i bought some. and then i bought more jelly beans at the checkout

so in a 8-9 hour period i went into Target THREE TIMES.

my life is so sad.

im fat.

i think this makes me a terrible person.